I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
