How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
