That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
