Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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