Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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