Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
