He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
