you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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