I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
