Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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