Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
