Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
