just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
