Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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