Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
