she looked like the bat from fern gully.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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