hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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