I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
