I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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