wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I looked at my own cervix.
i think i have herpe
just one?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
