This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
