I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
