I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
