I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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