i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
