I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
