come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's blow job season.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
