I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
