ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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