They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
