They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
