i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There r osticjed everywhere
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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