Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
