When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
