a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
