Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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