I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
