If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
