I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
