i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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