he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
