Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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