Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
