the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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