yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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