5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
4 words: hood of his car
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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