There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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