i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
