he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
