It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
