Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
