there was a trapeze. enough said
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
