I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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