which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
