i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I came so hard my ears popped.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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