my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
