call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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